NBC: Dad—He’s a car salesman and great at getting people to like him. Maybe he’s a little creative with the truth, but, hey, he feeds his family, right?
Fox News: Grumpy Old Uncle‑He’s suspicious of everyone and everything. He hates all liberals, and he knows that whatever happens, it’s somehow a plot to get his money.
MSNBC: Older Cousin who goes to UC Berkley—He’s occupied the dean’s office to try to force of the University to divest from fossil fuel companies. He’s thinking of running for the Berkeley City Council.
CNN: Ditzy Od Aunt—She babbles incessantly and repeats the same story over and over. She also spouts three contradictory opinions on any given topic—none of them supported by facts.
ESPN: Older Brother—He was the star quarterback in high school. Now he drinks a lot of beer, has trouble holding a job, and loudly second-guesses every play of every game on TV.
Entertainment Tonight: 14 Year Old Sister—You never see her face, because she compulsively Facebooks and tweets all day. She has a Guinness Book of Records citation for the largest number of OMGs in a single post.
The Daily Show: Snotty Younger Brother—He’s brilliant, funny, and emotionally damaged. He has a zinger for every comment anyone else makes. He’s the smartest kid in school and always tells the truth—especially if you don’t want to hear it. All the jocks hate him.
PBS: Rich Grandfather—He made his money by investing prudently over the years and not panicking during market downturns. He supports several philanthropic foundations. Occasionally he makes donations to select middle-of the road political candidates. The rest of your relatives are terrified that he’ll will all his money to charity and leave them holding the bag. He seldom talks politics at the dinner table. But when he does, everybody shuts up and listens—even your crazy old uncle.
(Many thanks to Bruno Perron for suggesting who ESPN is.)